The Suitcase

Throughout our lives we all pick up baggage at one point or another. It’s inevitable. We take our experiences with us, sometimes they even influence who we become and how we act and how we see the world and ourselves. Some of us don’t even know we are carrying baggage. Or some may see it and try to act like it’s not there. Some people don’t know what to do with it and so they do nothing and it becomes their constant companion. Others try to drop it off somewhere along the way but get either get sidetracked or find that they have grown comfortable with it and choose to keep it with them…they have gotten so used to carrying their luggage around that for better or for worse they can’t imagine life without it. They have become attached to it even if it is heavy and burdensome.

I have been unpacking my suitcase for the last couple of years. Every so often I would reach in and find something I no longer needed and toss it off to the side. I threw away pain, anger, sadness over a lost marriage, bitterness, disappointment. All of it served a purpose for a time for there is a cycle to grief but I knew those things were not something that I wanted to be part of my life. I found my suitcase getting lighter over time and it felt so good I would want to get rid of more items…..sometimes I was tossing things right and left and at other times certain things were harder to get rid of. But I kept working at it, kept unpacking and before I knew it, time had gone by and I could see the bottom of my suitcase and then I thought it was empty.


But danged if I didn’t turn around a while ago and saw my suitcase sitting in the corner. I was a little puzzled because I hadn’t seen it for awhile so I opened it up and ran my hand along the bottom and sides and sure enough, tucked into one of the corners I found a little piece of fear that had been hiding there, holding out on me when I thought I gotten rid of everything. I turned it over in my hands, looking at it and thinking how far I had come since I first started unpacking my suitcase. I didn’t want it anymore, hadn’t wanted it in the first place…..so I took that piece of fear…..and I gave it to someone who knew what to do with it. I closed my eyes and pictured myself sitting with my Savior. I told Him that I had a desire to move forward and create a new life for myself and that this last piece of baggage I had in my suitcase was causing some problems and I didn’t want that to happen. I saw myself holding it out to Him and asking Him to take it from me because I knew He knew what to do with it. Again, I pictured Him taking it from me with love and compassion in His eyes and telling me tenderly that He had been waiting for me to bring this last piece to Him. That when I was ready to trust His timing and His plan for me that I would turn it over to Him. And I did.

Now I need a new suitcase. A beautiful suitcase. A big one. One so big that I can hardly carry it. It will need to be big enough to put all the memories in it that I am going to be making. Moments of love and laughter and a lifetime filled with precious memories and experiences with friends and family. Falling in love again and falling asleep in the arms of the man that I love. Watching my children grow in the gospel and wiping tears as they pack up the car to leave for college and missions and lives of their own. Memories of traveling to places I’ve always dreamed of going. Experiencing the joys and the ride that life can be. Holding my precious grandchildren for the first time and knowing they are a part of me. Growing old with that man that I still love. Looking in the mirror as the years go by and seeing the lines on my face (not liking it LOL) but knowing they were put there by love and laughter and a lifetime of precious memories.

Years down the road when my children and grandchildren come to me and ask me about my life I will pull out my suitcase and one by one take out the memories and tell them the story of a full and beautiful life……That is the kind of baggage I want.

If you know someone who is struggling with letting go of fear or feeling as if their life will never change, get any better, or that they will not find happiness again, then please pass this on.  I come back to it often when I find myself stepping into fear so that I can remember my wiser self knows the truth.