Thursday, September 30, 2010

Midnight Drooling, Snoring and Flatulence (no, not me!) No Particular Order

     Okay, something’s going on. I know what it is. The problem is how to get a handle on it. Maybe the problem is not a handle but a doorknob. Let’s not stop at just any old doorknob. Let’s make it a bedroom doorknob. My bedroom doorknob. On the other side of that doorknob is a bed. My bed. I’m not in it.
Why not? Where am I? I’m sitting on my living room floor in a late night semi-trance as I watch an ant trying valiantly to haul off the remnants of some food item that one of my kids left behind. Why do you ask, would I rather be watching an ant at one thirty in the morning with drool starting to run down my chin, eyes glazing over, than in my soft, comfy bed that I have all to myself. Hmm……..all to myself. Maybe that is the problem?
     No, I don’t need a pity party. I've gotten rather used to sleeping by myself. I even have a list of perks that only come from sleeping by oneself. How does one sleep by oneself anyway?? Unless you divide like an amoeba in the middle of the night....... Oh sorry, getting off track......Anyway I've got it really good. I don’t have to listen to anyone snoring, mumbling or flatulating  in their sleep. I get to hog all the covers and put my cold feet anywhere I want. I get to wake up with my eyebrows shooting off in all directions like my Uncle Stanley with no one there to notice. I don’t have to wake up to someone's morning breath. Now come on, is this not the life or what?

     I won’t say what I do miss about having someone else in my bed. This is a PG rated family-type blog and if anyone has to think too hard about that than, well…………geez there’s nothing I even can say! And's not all about the "S" word. You know.....snoring :) And yes, I can say sex. Just did!

     During my nine month separation pre-divorce, I didn’t like to go to bed. No matter how tired I was I couldn’t shut my brain down. I would lie there and think. And cry. And be sad. Very, very sad. I got in the bad habit of staying up too late to the point where my head would hit the pillow and I’d be out like Rocky Balboa in the ring with Apollo Creed. Some nights I would do better than others. I’d manage to get to bed at a halfway decent time. Sort of. Okay not really, I was having a second of denial there. As time has gone by I've done much better. I'm still a night owl but not like I have been lately!! For some reason it has gotten worse the last few weeks. Instead of midnight I'm hitting two, two thirty in the morning. NOT enough sleep. Seems like it began since I started this last semester at school. Why? I’m not sure. I just know I’m not ready to go to bed when I should have been there two hours ago.
     Here was how my day and evening unfolded on Monday. Got up, went to the gym and had a great workout. Came home, got a TON, I mean a TON of homework done. Was feeling so good that I hopped on my bike and went for an evening bike ride. Wow! I’m killing it today in the exercise department. So what do I do? Stay up too late and get a craving for chocolate. So I take the brownies out of the oven at ten thirty. And I proceed to have three of them. Yes, I’ll admit it. Two sounds much less chubbiesh (yes, I know that's not really a word) and like I had a pittance of self-control. Alas, I did not. Then what happens? I realize I just obliterated my calorie deficit for the day that I had worked so hard on.
     So I obviously had no choice, right? At midnight I laced up my runners and went for a midnight jog. Jogged for twenty minutes, came home, went to bed………….and laid there.......... for almost THREE HOURS!!!!! Not only was I on a cocoa bean high but I was now on an adrenaline rush as well. Long story short, let’s just say I felt like road kill the entire next day and by the looks I was getting when I was forced to leave my house that day, I apparently looked it as well.
     So, what am I doing now? I’m going to bed. Good night room. Good night moon. Good night ant climbing over the spoon. G o o d ni ght c o u ch,,,,, gooj;’g gj ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………….


  1. And of course, in true Kristin Style, that was posted a mere one minute shy of 1AM!! You go girl!!

  2. It was? Really? I was sure I posted it at one minute to twelve! I think my computer clock must be off..........

  3. Perhaps it is...because I am sure I actually posted my comment at 9:09, not 8:09, as I was still driving kids to school....but if that's the case...perhaps yours was actually 1 minute shy of 2AM!! LOL

  4. You are so funny! I love the extra words you added to my dictionary.

    You need a man pillow - then you won't have to sleep by yourself but will still have the benefits of no morning breath or snoring.

  5. You need to hit the brakes and beging writting books. You are creative and interesting! Something I would do, watch an ant work as hard as ever to carry a crumb back to his village, lost in thought.

    Good stuff Kristin.

  6. Christy you're so sweet. I'd love to hit the brakes but I can't be a starving writer without a back-up plan :D

    Love ya sweet lady.